There & Back Again

Just got back from hell this week. Hell meanning the hospital. I am so glad to be home even though I'm exhausted beyond belief. If any of you reading this hasn't heard yet, I was in the hospital for 5 days. Even though the hospital has become pretty much a routine thing for me, sad to say, this experince was like no other. I went in Thurs. morning with excruciating abdominal pains. And at first they were just going to blow me off and everyone kept saying it was just gas. Well it wasn't it turned out to be much more serious than that. It turned out that I had a complete bowel obstruction in my small bowel. They brought in the surgrey team and at first the surgeon was going to just operate to clear out the obstruction but once they looked at my labs they realized they couldn't. So what was the next thing they could do? They ended up giving me and NG tube which is a tube that goes in through your nose down into your stomach. At first I thought oh hell no! Then I said to my self I've been through worse, how bad could it possibly be? Well I was wrong so wrong, I have to say having an NG tube rates right up there with the worst thing that I could've possibly had done. Oh, and they had to do it two times because the first time I was trowing up so much on it that it actually started coming out through my mouth. So here I was with this what felt like a giant tube down my throat (which believe it or not they gave me the smallest adult tube) and I was throwing up on it (and throwing up a little bit of blood)crying because I was in so much pain. And the shitty thing about all this the doctors refused to give me ANY kind of pain medicine. That was the first time I really ever asked myslef "Why? What did I do to deserve this?" I know it sounds selfish, but I have never in all my life felt like that. I litterally felt like my body was giving out on me. I litterally felt like I was physically having to fight minute by minute just to pull through. And the worst thing was it took them almost 2days before they fianlly gave me pain killers. Untill then I was just crying my eyes out. And on top pf having an NG tube they later decided to give me a catheder. Which you feel so exposed when they do that, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part of that was that I actually started to cramp on top of the catheder. I litterally felt like if there was a place where you could stick a tube they did it. On top of all of this they still were talking about doing surgrey. So the entire time I was thinking, " I have to go through all of this and I still may have to go through a major surgrey, NO?!" I am just so glad that I made it through, that they didn't have to do surgrey, that they got rid of all my tubes, and I'm thankful that I got to come home! I have never felt so physically exhausted though and my body feels like it's been through WWIII. But I would like to say thank you to my family and everyone who been by my side.